cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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