Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
