dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
