return my video game
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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