My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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