Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
