when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Randomize