I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
