I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
