Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
