I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
