my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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