You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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