So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
