yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
