in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
