Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize