I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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