If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
