He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
