"it" just moved
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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