yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
