Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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