he told me I talked like a deaf person
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
