there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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