Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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