when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
