my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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