I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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