he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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