I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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