my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
