I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
