Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
