you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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