Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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