I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
