i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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