Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
