Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
