I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize