The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
