i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
