I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
