someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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