yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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