Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
