Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
