Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Randomize
