He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize
