I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Found your dick twin last night
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
