One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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