They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
