WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
