Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
