You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
