im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
