FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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