We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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