you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
