he told me I talked like a deaf person
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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