sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
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