she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
only you would photoshop your dick
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
