nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
