meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
When are your genitals available?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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