You don't have asthma, your pregnant
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Randomize
