I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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