barbara walters just said penis...
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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