Yo dont text me then not text me
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
