Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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