Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
COCAINE IS GR8
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
