And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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