So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
