Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
