Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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