i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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